I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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