he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
