none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She is in my trunk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
