I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would ride that face into the sunset
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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