And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
