if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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