Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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