we should wear snuggies to the strip club
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
