last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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