Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
