They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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