She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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