He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
