if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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