yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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