why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
