I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
