nutella sex= disaster
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
