Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
