I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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