just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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