the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
