i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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