I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
