really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
