Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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