We're facebook friends in real life
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Im part way to drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
