My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
