so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
