Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You made out with two different species that night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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