Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
