That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
