someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
