You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
