I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
