do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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