I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
