if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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