plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
