You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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