chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
