I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
