Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
