"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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