Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
