Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
