I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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