Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
