So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
