I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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