Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
