capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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