how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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