ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
