Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
